EPISODE 2
I DIDN'T SHOOT THE DEPUTY MAYOR We open back where we left off back at the Griffin house, as Peter announced that he is the new Deputy Mayor of Quahog. Lois is seen with a frown on her face after hearing this. LOIS Peter,how the holy hell did you become Deputy Mayor? PETER Well, Lois, while I was off doing that charity thing, I went to City Hall and thought it was the Clam. Cut to City Hall, where Angela is talking to Doug, the con artist guy from the show who always cons Peter. ANGELA What the hell are we going to do about this thing about me being corupt? DOUG Well, Mayor Fisher, if you can find some dumbass to be Deputy Mayor and take the rap, then you are scott free. ANGELA Okay, then who whould be that stupid enough to take the job? Just then, Peter Griffin eneter the room with money in his hand. PETER I would like to donate to carity. ANGELA (smirks)) What would you like to be Deputy Mayor of Quahog? PETER Do I get paid more for this? 2. Cut back to the Griffins, but with everone else with frowns on their faces. BRIAN Gee, Peter, you sure done some dumb things, but this is the dumbest. PETER I thought you guys would be happy that I'm the Deputy Mayor. MEG Dad, you don't know anything about politics. Plus this could be a set-up. PETER Shut up, Meg. Peter whacks Meg with a rolled up newspaper like a dog. STEWIE Wait, with the Fat Man in the Mayor role, he can over this shithole of a town. LOIS Stewie, watch your language! MEG Does anyone noticed that Stewie is now talking nornal English at a one year old level? Everyone pauses, until Peter whacks Meg again with the newspaper. PETER Shut up, Meg. MEG I'm not a dog, you fat moron! Meg walks off, but pauses as she looks at her family with an evil look on her face. MEG (frowns)You will all pay for this when the time comes. () LOIS What did Meg say? PETER Said something about payday candy bars. (Peter laughs) 3. Meg frowns as she runs upstairs. We cut to Meg's room where we see on top of her drawer voodoo dolls of Peter, Lois, and Chris between two candles. MEG Soon, you sons of bitches, very soon. (Smirks evily) Cut to the Drunken Clam a few days later, as we see Peter with his friends, JOE SWANSON, CLEVELAND BROWN, and GLEN QUAGMIRE. PETER So, fellas, I'm the new Deputy Mayor of Quahog. What do you think? CLEVELAND I think this is going to lead into another chrash and burn things that would end with some life lesson at the end, Peter. Everyone looks on at what Cleveland just said. PETER Yeah right, Cleveland. Like we're in some sort of animated primetime series on Sunday nights. All four of them turn to the camera and wink. JOE I think Cleveland is right about this, Peter. You have done some stupid stuff before, and it comes back to you like clockwork. PETER Guys, I know I can help the town with all my ideas as Deputy Mayor. Peter takes out a folder with the words "Peter's Plans While He's Mayor." PETER Check this out as one of my ideas is an all night Happy Hour. GLEN We're listening, Peter. JOE You're into this just to do women, Quagmire. 4. GLEN Joe, I have my limits, and Peter's plans could change things for the better. CLEVELAND One of these ideas is to open a 24 hour XXX DVD rental store. GLEN I'll buy that for a dollar. JOE (Frowns) Quagmire! (Turns back to Peter) You know you can make better ideas than this, Peter.) PETER I know, Joe, but I won't be like those evil corrupt Mayors you see in movies and TV. Cut to City Hall where Mayor Angela Fisher is smoking a cigar while looking over Peter's ideas, as we see him in front of her desk.) ANGELA Griffin, this has got to be the most stupid things you thought up. Peter sighs and is about to walk off. ANGELA (Smirks)But I like it for a start. When can you make it official? () Peter smiles and does the Snoopy dance. We come back to the Griffin house, as we see Stewie and Brian outside, with Stewie playing with his blocks and Brian writing on his laptop. STEWIE What are you doing, Brian? BRIAN Writing the next big bestseller since The Bible. STEWIE How long was that? BRIAN How long was what? 5. STEWIE Since you have been planing to write that blasted book of yours. It's been ages since you said that. BRIAN I'm doing this is secret. I don't want people thinking a talking dog wrote a book. STEWIE Then why are you outside writing? Brian frowns and throws a tennis ball at Stewie. STEWIE What the duece? You did that on purpose, you mutt! BRIAN (frowns at Stewie)What was that, you little rugbrat? STEWIE (calm)I didn't say nothing, Brian. BRIAN I have good hearing, dumbass. We cut to another house across the street where we meet LARRY, an older man who sounds like Peter sitting in his chair in the front room. Next to him is a brown dog named STEVE who looks a little bit like Brian. LARRY Hey, Steve. Look at the talking baby and the talking dog across the stret from us. STEVE Larry, that has got to be the most dumbest thing no one has ever heard. A talking baby and a talking dog. What's next? A goldfish with the brain of a German skier? A family of talking bears living next door? An alien life form living with a family in Virginia? LARRY You're a talking dog, Steve. STEVE That's different, Larry. Now get me a beer. 6. We now go to Adam West High School the next day with Meg and Chris. Meg is in the school hallway with her friends, RUTH, ESTER, PATTY, and BETH. MEG I can't beliveve my dad is the Deputy Mayor. He is so stupid to know it's a ruse. PATTY Meg, maybe your dad will find out before anything bad happens. RUTH It's not the end of the world, Meg. We see resident Mean Girls, CONNIE AND GINA,walk towards them. CONNIE Think again, Megatron. I heard that idiot dad of yours just launched school uniforms of every student to dress as Starfleet members. We see NEIL GOLDMAN walk by. NEIL (Smirks) I think it's a great idea. Connie punches out Neil. CONNIE Get bent, Goldman! GINA If you think that's bad, one of the lunch menus is Dagwoods. What the hell is a Dagwood? CONNIE You have to do something, Meg. MEG Why me? I thought you two hate me? CONNIE We do, but your dad is going to destroy this town with his stupid rules. MEG I hate my idiot dad, but he'll have to do something so stupid to be kicked out of office. 7. Meg and her friends leave, as we turn to Connie and Gina. CONNIE (Smirks) That girl is fine. GINA Who are you talking about, Connie? CONNIE Meg Griffin. I know I hate her, but why do I love her so much? GINA (Shocked) You're in love with Megatron Griffin!? Connie, are you high? CONNIE No, Gina, I just love Meg that's all. (Bites her lower lip) She doesn't know about it yet. Cut back to the Griffin house a few hours later, where the whole family is sitting on the couch watching TV. ANNOUNCER We now return to The Simpsons Meet OJ. Cut to the Griffins. PETER Wow. The Simpsons are sure running out of ideas. STEWIE And jokes and Treehouse of Horror stories. Most of them aren't even horror themed. PETER Well, nothing can get worse than this. ANNOUNCER We interupt the crapy Simpsons episode for a special report. We cut to Diane Simmons outside of City Hall. DIANE I'm here at City Hall where the police have just arrested Mayor Angela Fisher for bribery and illegal toxic waste dumpings. Cut to Channel 5 Newsroom with Tom Tucker. 8. TOM Diane, what cause this major event? DIANE Tom, we just found out that Deputy Mayor, Peter Griffin, was video taping what the Mayor was doing. TOM So that means that Peter Griffin is the new Mayor of our town. Cut back to the Griffins. LOIS Peter, do you know what you just done? PETER That video was going to American's Funniest Home Videos, not the News. LOIS Peter. You just exposed the truth about Mayor Angela. Peter paused for a second. PETER (smiles) That makes me the new Mayor! Freaking sweet! BRIAN No, that makes you a target, you dumbass. If I know my movies right, Mayor Angela is going to get even with you after you turned her in. PETER Well, Brian, how is she going to do that? Cut to a large mansion, where we see CARTER PEWTERSMIT outside with someone covered in the shadows. CARTER That fat boob has ruined everything now that Angela is in prison. Now that he's Mayor, he'll do some stupid rules to ruin the town. I want you to ruin Peter Griffin and make him pay. We soon see the figure coming of the shadows to be ERNIE THE GIANT CHICKEN, who gives an evil grin. TO BE CONTINUED... 9. Channel 5 Newsroom in INT.Quahog, Rhode Island
(We see TOM TUCKER and DIANE SIMMONS sitting at the news desk. Tom is combing his mustache, and Diane is smoking a brown cigarette on a long holder.) TOM How's my mustache, Diane? (Diane turns to Tom, but gives him a frowning look.) DIANE (Puffs on her holder.) Fuck off, Tom, and let me finish my cigarette. TOM Is that all you do is bitch and bitch? DIANE You're an asshole, Tom Tucker, and how you treated the last female reporter was hell to her she went to Arkham Asylum. CAMERA MAN (OS) Twenty seconds, guys. (Diane crushes her cigarette on her shoe, and the music begins to play.) TV ANNOUNCER (OS) It's the Channel 5 News with Tom Tucker, Diane Simmons, Ollie William, and Tricia Takanawa. The news starts now. (Cut to...) (INT. Griffin Living Room) (We see our first time look at the stars of our new mini series, as we see PETER GRIFFIN, his wife LOIS, daughter MEGATRON/MEG, middle son CHRIS, and infant son STEWIE sitting down on the couch watching the TV. ) PETER I hope Tom and Diane get into another news fight. LOIS I heard Diane hates Tom cause he has been sleeping with the Mayor to get an interview. PETER When did this happen? LOIS It's just a rumor, Peter. Mayor Angela isn't corrupt. (Cut to the Mayor's Office where Mayor Angela smoking a cigar as a sleaze of a man shows her a suitcase full of money as she smirks evilly.) Note: Since this is my version of Family Guy, I replaced Mayor Adam West with Angela from the Puckett Pete Beer Factory as Mayor. (We cut to the TV as we see Tom Tucker speak.) TOM I have a big news scoop that will change the town of Quahog. DIANE This better be not one of your space martian stories, Tom. TOM Shut up, Diane, as this is more important than that. DIANE (Frowns) Don't tell me the shut up on live TV, you moron. (Tom punches Diane in the face knocking her out.) TOM As I was saying. Mayor Angela Fisher has been seen collecting bribes from an unknown source. (Cut to Mayor Angela with a shocked look on her face, as she also drops her cigar from her mouth.) (Cut back to the Griffins) MEG I can't believe our Mayor is corrupt. PETER I can't believe Tom sucker punched Diane. LOIS Peter! PETER What? MEG Dad, Mayor Fisher has been our Mayor for a few years and now she is now corrupt. (We now see the family dog, BRIAN, walk in with the family.) BRIAN Politics can be dirty as hell, Meg. That's why I don't vote. LOIS Maybe because you're a dog, Brian. BRIAN That too. But who have been giving her bribe money then? (We cut back to the News Studio, as we see Diane getting up after Tom whacked her.) DIANE Tom, you worthless piece of shit! How dare you hit me on live television? TOM Like this. (Tom hits Diane again) (Tom then turns back to the camera) TOM And now here's Ollie Williams with weather. (Turns to Ollie) How's the weather, Ollie? OLLIE It's going to be wet, Tom. TOM Thanks, Ollie. (Turns to camera) And now let's here from Asian reporter, Trisha Takanawa, from the Drunken Clam to talk about the upcoming event coming there. (Cut to the Drunken Clam with Trisha Takanawa in front of some guys drinking beers behind her.) TRISHA Tom, I'm here at the Drunken Clam to talk about a big event coming here. (She walks to Jerome, a muscular African American man with a Afro) I'm with Jerome, the owner of the Clam. (To Jerome) Tell us about this event coming to the Drunken Clam. JEROME You see, Trisha, the Drunken Clam is going to have a special Chug-a-Hon for charity to help out the Children Hospital. This weekend only each beer ordered will be for charity with the money they pay for it. (Cut back to the Griffins) PETER I got to go to that charity even, Lois. LOIS (Frowns) Peter, when do you donate to charity? PETER Remember when I almost donated Meg? (Cutaway to a younger Peter holding a basket with a baby Meg and lays the basket in front of a church, and Peter runs off) (Cut back to the Griffins) LOIS Peter, Meg is a human being. (We pan to Meg with a shocked look on her face) LOIS (Cont') I never seen you donate a single cent to charity, and you're only going to the Clam this weekend just to get drunk. BRIAN She does have a point, Peter. You don't do any charity work in your life. (Peter gets off the couch) PETER I'll show you that I can do anything for charity, but donating half of Meg's college fund to... (Everyone waits until Peter finishes what he was going to say) BRIAN You don't know don't you, Peter? (Peter looks on the table at some magazines as he spots a picture of Pamela Anderson holding some puppies.) PETER I'm going to donate to help those little puppies get a home. LOIS (Smiles) That's great, Peter. CHRIS Way to go, Dad. MEG (Frowns) Use your own money, you lard ass. BRIAN (Under his breath) What a bunch of crock. LOIS Did you say something, Brian? BRIAN (Lying) I said good luck, Peter. PETER Thanks, you guys. (Peter leaves the house.) LOIS (To Brian) He's going to screw this up isn't he? BRIAN This is the first issue/episode, so hell yeah. (We cut back to the Channel 5 newsroom, where Tom is about the end the news day) TOM And the Kite Eating Tree has taken another poor kite from some blockhead. That's it for the news tonight. I'm Tom Tucker. (Diane gets up from after being punched two times by Tom. She gives him an angered glare and gives Tom the finger) DIANE And I'm Diane Simmons. Good night, Quahog. (Cut back to the Griffins) BRIAN I knew the news was to talk about real things, but seeing Tom and Diane acting like assholes on live TV. STEWIE Welcome to the 21st century, Brian. Besides Tom and Diane are married. BRIAN How do you know this? STEWIE TMZ. BRIAN Figures. (We see Peter finally coming back with a crazy look on his face) PETER Family, guess who's the new deputy mayor of Quahog is? STEWIE And hilarity begins. BRIAN Told you. (Stewie and Brian fist bump) TO BE CONTINUED... |