Channel 5 Newsroom in INT.Quahog, Rhode Island
(We see TOM TUCKER and DIANE SIMMONS sitting at the news desk. Tom is combing his mustache, and Diane is smoking a brown cigarette on a long holder.) TOM How's my mustache, Diane? (Diane turns to Tom, but gives him a frowning look.) DIANE (Puffs on her holder.) Fuck off, Tom, and let me finish my cigarette. TOM Is that all you do is bitch and bitch? DIANE You're an asshole, Tom Tucker, and how you treated the last female reporter was hell to her she went to Arkham Asylum. CAMERA MAN (OS) Twenty seconds, guys. (Diane crushes her cigarette on her shoe, and the music begins to play.) TV ANNOUNCER (OS) It's the Channel 5 News with Tom Tucker, Diane Simmons, Ollie William, and Tricia Takanawa. The news starts now. (Cut to...) (INT. Griffin Living Room) (We see our first time look at the stars of our new mini series, as we see PETER GRIFFIN, his wife LOIS, daughter MEGATRON/MEG, middle son CHRIS, and infant son STEWIE sitting down on the couch watching the TV. ) PETER I hope Tom and Diane get into another news fight. LOIS I heard Diane hates Tom cause he has been sleeping with the Mayor to get an interview. PETER When did this happen? LOIS It's just a rumor, Peter. Mayor Angela isn't corrupt. (Cut to the Mayor's Office where Mayor Angela smoking a cigar as a sleaze of a man shows her a suitcase full of money as she smirks evilly.) Note: Since this is my version of Family Guy, I replaced Mayor Adam West with Angela from the Puckett Pete Beer Factory as Mayor. (We cut to the TV as we see Tom Tucker speak.) TOM I have a big news scoop that will change the town of Quahog. DIANE This better be not one of your space martian stories, Tom. TOM Shut up, Diane, as this is more important than that. DIANE (Frowns) Don't tell me the shut up on live TV, you moron. (Tom punches Diane in the face knocking her out.) TOM As I was saying. Mayor Angela Fisher has been seen collecting bribes from an unknown source. (Cut to Mayor Angela with a shocked look on her face, as she also drops her cigar from her mouth.) (Cut back to the Griffins) MEG I can't believe our Mayor is corrupt. PETER I can't believe Tom sucker punched Diane. LOIS Peter! PETER What? MEG Dad, Mayor Fisher has been our Mayor for a few years and now she is now corrupt. (We now see the family dog, BRIAN, walk in with the family.) BRIAN Politics can be dirty as hell, Meg. That's why I don't vote. LOIS Maybe because you're a dog, Brian. BRIAN That too. But who have been giving her bribe money then? (We cut back to the News Studio, as we see Diane getting up after Tom whacked her.) DIANE Tom, you worthless piece of shit! How dare you hit me on live television? TOM Like this. (Tom hits Diane again) (Tom then turns back to the camera) TOM And now here's Ollie Williams with weather. (Turns to Ollie) How's the weather, Ollie? OLLIE It's going to be wet, Tom. TOM Thanks, Ollie. (Turns to camera) And now let's here from Asian reporter, Trisha Takanawa, from the Drunken Clam to talk about the upcoming event coming there. (Cut to the Drunken Clam with Trisha Takanawa in front of some guys drinking beers behind her.) TRISHA Tom, I'm here at the Drunken Clam to talk about a big event coming here. (She walks to Jerome, a muscular African American man with a Afro) I'm with Jerome, the owner of the Clam. (To Jerome) Tell us about this event coming to the Drunken Clam. JEROME You see, Trisha, the Drunken Clam is going to have a special Chug-a-Hon for charity to help out the Children Hospital. This weekend only each beer ordered will be for charity with the money they pay for it. (Cut back to the Griffins) PETER I got to go to that charity even, Lois. LOIS (Frowns) Peter, when do you donate to charity? PETER Remember when I almost donated Meg? (Cutaway to a younger Peter holding a basket with a baby Meg and lays the basket in front of a church, and Peter runs off) (Cut back to the Griffins) LOIS Peter, Meg is a human being. (We pan to Meg with a shocked look on her face) LOIS (Cont') I never seen you donate a single cent to charity, and you're only going to the Clam this weekend just to get drunk. BRIAN She does have a point, Peter. You don't do any charity work in your life. (Peter gets off the couch) PETER I'll show you that I can do anything for charity, but donating half of Meg's college fund to... (Everyone waits until Peter finishes what he was going to say) BRIAN You don't know don't you, Peter? (Peter looks on the table at some magazines as he spots a picture of Pamela Anderson holding some puppies.) PETER I'm going to donate to help those little puppies get a home. LOIS (Smiles) That's great, Peter. CHRIS Way to go, Dad. MEG (Frowns) Use your own money, you lard ass. BRIAN (Under his breath) What a bunch of crock. LOIS Did you say something, Brian? BRIAN (Lying) I said good luck, Peter. PETER Thanks, you guys. (Peter leaves the house.) LOIS (To Brian) He's going to screw this up isn't he? BRIAN This is the first issue/episode, so hell yeah. (We cut back to the Channel 5 newsroom, where Tom is about the end the news day) TOM And the Kite Eating Tree has taken another poor kite from some blockhead. That's it for the news tonight. I'm Tom Tucker. (Diane gets up from after being punched two times by Tom. She gives him an angered glare and gives Tom the finger) DIANE And I'm Diane Simmons. Good night, Quahog. (Cut back to the Griffins) BRIAN I knew the news was to talk about real things, but seeing Tom and Diane acting like assholes on live TV. STEWIE Welcome to the 21st century, Brian. Besides Tom and Diane are married. BRIAN How do you know this? STEWIE TMZ. BRIAN Figures. (We see Peter finally coming back with a crazy look on his face) PETER Family, guess who's the new deputy mayor of Quahog is? STEWIE And hilarity begins. BRIAN Told you. (Stewie and Brian fist bump) TO BE CONTINUED...
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